Do we?

Do we ever become what we always wanted to be?

And then what do we do thereafter...if we become what we always wanted to be?

Poor little Indian

Let's just accept it honestly. Indians DO have a fascination for white skin or so I discovered a few days back. Even in a cultural melting pot like Mumbai it happens. And I am not talking about middle-class, white-collared Indians. Here we have the so-called suave and cool folks from Gen-X. What happened was a series of instances happening with amazing predictability! Ok, here is a short background:
I work with the Max Mueller Bhavan, Mumbai which is the branch of the "Goethe Institut" of Germany. I work here as a Project Officer and my job entails in short handling activities related to Music Germany and Mumbai. And I got this job because of my previous experience as Musician in Mumbai and now because I also can speak fairly fluent German.

Now, we had a guest in the form of an extremely genial German gentleman called Ralph Christoph. Ralph is an electronic music expert from Cologne, Germany and he heads an annual international music festival called C/o Pop. He was here for researching the electronic music scene in India. I was here called on the job of helping him network with the right people from the Bollywood side and from an otherwise underground independent music world. Usually Ralph, I and Anja would travel together for these appointments. Anja was the Intern with Max Mueller Bhavan at the time. Here comes the funny part.
Whenever we would meet these other Music directors, Music label heads or anyone, they would greet only Ralph and Anja. And of course I was the poor little Indian. Then after 5 mins when I would have faded into oblivion, Ralph would feel really embarrassed that nobody was taking me into the discussion! Then while leaving, Ralph would normally turn to me and ask me something very vital, or my opinion about something or then I would stand up during a discussion and motion to Ralph to end the meeting because we would have some other appointment lined up further and then he would jokingly say, "I have to listen to her."! :-)) And it was THEN that the "poor little Indian" was noticed. Then they would ask me my name and tell me theirs. The truth is I knew not just their names but their entire musical biography which was exactly why I brought Ralph there in the first place!
Yes I felt very angry in the first few meetings. But later the awkwardness on their faces when they realised that the person whom they dutifully ignored was the one with whom they were going to have to deal, was what I started enjoying! I thought, "Oh! Poor little Indians!". :-))

गुरु पूर्णिमा !

तेरे नाम के सिवा मुझे कुछ भी याद नही!

B flat or C sharp!

It is said that when society undergoes a major cultural change, Music is the last frontier to be affected by that change.
But looking at the state of Music today, I shudder to think what it must be like in other aspects of culture!
Look at the picture alongside. It's so amazing that this picture manages very well to boil my blood. I perceive these ten figures here as BUFFOONS of the first order. It's a "musical" show. Or so they wish it could have been one. None of them are musicians or singers or have anything to do with music. Not even the judges. One of the judges is a film-director and the other one's profession is not yet clear to me. My guess is that she owns a laundry or something. And the joke is that the 8 participants "sing" and the judges judge them.
Music is in such BAD hands I tell you!
Where else would such a nasty thing be allowed to take place?
It's akin to asking Akshay Kumar to judge a Bharatnatyam performance! Or even worse asking Kishan Kumar ( I hope you remember him! ) to judge a theatre act!
What do the 2 judges on this above-mentioned reality show( Aaaaarrrgh. That's a topic for another day... ) have to do with music? Who gave them the right to be the judge at all!
It has become a joke. There are Musicians who have toiled for years and decades to understand and assimilate the nuances and secrets of music. They have practised their instruments every single day religiously...sometimes even till their fingers bled. Nobody asks them for a performance. I know musicians who are dying of hunger inspite of being A-grade musicians.
It's such a tragedy and even more so because it happens in India. We are the hosts of one of the greatest Classical music traditions in the world. Of course I am not saying that a bunch of idiots from reality shows pose a danger to the tradition of good music itself. But all I am hoping for is an aware audience who can discern between bull-shit and Music. Because only if WE as people refuse to have our ears stuffed with nonsense, will this atrocity stop.
Amen!!

Feeling Thorny!

I have been attempting to get over a past relationship since an absurdly long time now. I call it "absurd" because I feel embarrassed telling people close to me that I am still not over it. Apart from that it is not all that absurd.
But from my long stretched out experience of "moving on" from an old flame, I have realized that getting "closure" is most vital. I avoided telling my Ex that I was still in love for reasons mostly unknown to me. Maybe I felt I would be in a vulnerable position by doing that. Whatever. But just yesterday I did that. I confessed that yes it has been more than one year and I hadn't still moved on and that I was still in love. Obviously the reply was not unexpected!

I was told, "I don't want to be with you".
I cannot possibly describe what I felt at that time.

Do you remember the feeling of having a thorn embedded in your foot for an annoyingly long time? You can see the thorn, it is undoubtedly hurting you and yet you can't pull it out. And then! One day, it looks like you could pull the thorn out...and then you do...
That moment. One moment it's paining and the next, it doesn't anymore! That's exactly how I felt when I was told that things couldn't work out between us. Within one second the pricky thorn was pulled out of my system. Whew....!!
I feel freeer. I have freed myself from the past and freed my past from myself.
The credit goes to my AMAZING Guru : His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar ji :)

Can you see it's 5 o' clock
The Sun will be gone again
The Moon will climb the Beanstalk
Can you see what's happening?

Everything in this Universe
Follows a time-table
It was our time to fall in love
Now it's time to let go again...

It's time to make a new start
You've got to keep an open mind
And anyway you've got no choice
But time is not always unkind

But everything in this Universe
Goes through an upheavel
And when you think you can't go on
It's time to start again!

Why?

THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG
SOMETHING SO WRONG WITH YOU
THAT YOU DONT WANT TO SEE
WHAT YOUR HEART KNOWS AS TRUE

IT WAS NEVER SO BAD
THAT YOU HAD TO MOVE ON
THERE WERE TOO MANY GOOD THINGS
WHICH WE SHOULD'VE HELD ON

IF I CAN'T TRUST IN YOU
I CAN'T TRUST ANYTHING ELSE
BE IT GOD, MUSIC OR COLOURS
AND IN LOVE EVEN LESS


WHY
A PERFECT THING LIKE OURS
WOULD FALL APART
WHY
SONGS I WROTE FOR YOU
WON'T TOUCH YOUR HEART

Nothing much except Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrgggh!

I truly have come to wonder how many people really understand the value of "TIME": their own and more importantly of others! I am appalled and numbed.
This has prompted to vacuum-clean my life of all the time and space-suckers! Yes, I am going to do it. People call up on the cell. I cut the call. After 3 minutes they call up again. I tell them, "I will call you later. I am busy". Do you think they get the message? Wrong. They don't. They call me back AGAIN. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgggghhhh! And all they want to know is, "What's up?". Is that even a question?
Is it afterall THAT difficult to understand? Am I asking for too much? Do I have to fight for my own privacy? What do the "time-suckers" want?
These are haunting questions of a daunting task!
Thank the Good Lord for caller identification.
Thank the Great Lord for creating blogs. Where else would I vent out all this?
Whew!

If I were....

If I were a beginning, I would be: the end too

If I were a tree, I would be: Banyan

If I were a musical instrument, I would be: a Flute

If I were an animal, I would be: a Dog( Labrador-they get pampered sick!)

If I were a sound, I would be: Silence

If I were a scent, I would be: of a baby's hair

If I were a religion, I would be: Humanity

If I were a facial expression, I would be: on Guruji's face

If I were a subject in college, I would be: Philosophy

If I were a color, I would be: White

If I were a thing, I would be: a Mirror

If I were a book, I would be: in someone's hands

If I were a monument, I would be: Conserved

If I were an artist, I would be: a Guitarist

If I were a collection of poems, I would be: moving people

If I were an element, I would be: Space

If I were a Word, I would be: "Dude"

If I were a watch, I would be: dictating lives of millions

If I were a theory, I would be: Relativity

If I were a cartoon, I would be: Calvin

IF I were a technology, I would be: making myself extinct every second

If I were a super hero, I would be : What does this mean? I AM one already!

If I were a Shakespearean Character, I would be: deciding to be or not be

If I were alone, I would be: even Stronger

Don't know how to let you go...

I know you and I know me
I know there are how many stars
I know the depths of the deepest seas
I know how to make dreams alive
I know what treasures the oceans hold
I know the mysteries of the blue skies
But I don't know how to let you go

I know all the secrets of your heart
I know the profundities of your soul
I know when to set you free
I know when to pull you close
I know when you want to reach out
I know when you are feeling low
I know when you want to be alone
But I don't know how to let you go

I know when you want to spread your wings
I know when you need to fly
I know when you will need me
I know when you want to cry
I know when you want to hear those words
I know when you want me to show
I know when to hold you tight
But I don't know how to let you go

The Sun. What is his job really? Rise everyday…punctually.

He never falters.

Laziness doesn’t overcome his determination of rising every single day!

Even when it’s raining cats and dogs here, he still rises!

He rises even when on a given day nobody thanks him for having risen!

He rises even when no one acknowledges him…he doesn’t feel ignored.

He rises even when no praise comes his way…he doesn’t feel insecure.

Not just that. He does his job even when he gets blamed for making everything around too hot!

The Sun is a part of Nature. Everything in Nature is perfect. It never misses a beat.

We are a part of this very same Nature. But just look at the number of pre-conditions we have before we begin to do anything. We must get acknowledgement after we finish doing our work, we need awards and recognition, we need money, we need something….anything in return. Why?!

But what confounds me the most is this question: What exactly is our job?

Aham

I just happened to meet the most important person in my life. My Inspiration. My reason to BE. That person happens to be Me.

How I have been ignoring Me for others who mean lot less anyway.

It’s such a strange belief that all that all that is the best lies outside Me. And that I, just a passive spectator, can do nothing but Watch.

But now I feel elated. To have found solace in Me. I am also freeing others around me of the Responsibility of keeping Me happy by altering a little bit of who They are. There is place for everyone. They can be They.

And I know, I’d still be happy.

Indian Rain in Munich

Concert in Munich

Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Chewing Gum

I have been observing my mind lately. And I am totally amazed at the kind of thoughts it thinks! That in turn has kind of given me an insight into what this entire game of relationships is like. Yes, the news is that it's a "game".
If one goes to see, relationships are more like chewing gum. It's great to have it in the beginning...nice and tasty, makes you look cool and all, feels like you could keep chewing all life long! But wait! What's happened after a while? You can't wait to spit it out. It's lost all the taste. Not just that, but now it's leaving a bad taste in your mouth! Try to get rid of it...take it in your fingers and try to hurl it away...but it sticks to whatever part of your body you touch it with. Eeeeks! Wake up to the truth my friend. You can't get rid of chewing gum just so easily.
Doesn't it sound more like most of our relationships? It does. And scarily so.
Normally there are these phases even after a break-up. The "letting go" and the "moving on". I think it's all a myth. What the *bleep* does "letting go of someone" mean anyway?! Physically letting go? Stopping to hound them with calls or any sort of communication? Is "letting go" for the sake of the EX or your own? Is it stopping to expect a reconciliation? Is it letting go of "hope"? Letting go of WHOM or WHAT???
The second part is even more confusing. "Moving on". Just one query, "how?".
Technically I think "moving on" is just a myth. Unless you end up with Amnesia, I don't think you can really move on.
Think about it. Have you completely forgotten your past love? All the things? Events? Words? Expressions? Especially the times when you had most fun? Can you erase all that? Do you want to erase all that? The answer is "no". Then how have you moved on?
People are stickier than chewing gum! It's not so easy to spit them away...

Where everything would be laughed off in squeals of laughter

Where complaints about each other would be narrated in poetry

Where there would be an underlying urge to only be with each other at nightfall

Where the journey to self-discovery would begin by holding each other’s hand

Where satisfaction and completion would stem from just being in each other’s lives

Where we would live in a cute little white house

Where friends would come to have a comforting cuppa tea

Where weekends would be reserved for each other, with each other

Where these dreams would see the light of day

Road (chain)Rage

When I am driving, I complain about Autorickshaws
When I am riding, I complain about Pedestrians
When I am in a Autorickshaw, I complain about Bikers
And when I am walking, I complain about Cars

Hello World!

Once one decides to see the funny side of things around, EVERYTHING starts seeming really funny! And I mean EVERYTHING. I thought laughing at one's own self might be a darned difficult thing to do. But it isn't. Eventually we all learn to laugh at us and also what happens/happened with/to us.
I have become newly single. Newly meaning it's been a good 4-5 months but I feel liberated from all kind of 'post heart-break' emotions only NOW. I say that with conviction, because I can now laugh at it and actually enjoy it!
A funny phenomenon has started happening off late. All the people in my life know now that I am out of a relationship. Suddenly these very people have been asking me for my advice for their relationships! Doesn't it seem utterly illogical that when I could not save my own relationship, how the hell am I going to save theirs?!
But no. The fact remains that they yet want my advice. I could think of only one reason.
Perhaps, for them being in a relationship is anyways dumb. I am out of one and therefore they perceive me as WISE. Yes, WISE. And they seek my advice...
Alright, got to go...there's a friend waiting on the phone...he wants to know the secret of my never-dying smile...am going to tell him it's because of 'singlehood' :))

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
I just saw the movie. I think everyone has got to watch it once in their lifetime. There are so many thoughts that have taken birth in my head after watching the movie that I don't know which one to write about first.
Would we really be able to love our beloveds better if we erase all the previous memories of them? As if it were a new start? Is that even the solution?
It's fictional in the movie, that a non-surgical memory erasing method has been developed. But in real life too we try to achieve the same effect of "getting over" or "getting past" our previous relationship by perhaps jumping into a new one without thought, thinking "oh this one seems better than the previous one".
But Nature doesn't have a provision like that! "selectively erasing the memories of a person we want to get over!"
It's our own quest. Our own journey.
The key to a real 'spotless mind' is perhaps to make it work. Anyhow...
If there is Love, anything can work! There's got to be Listening. Giving. Accepting. And of course a will to give it the best shot. Because nobody is perfect. People are like children. They make mistakes. Some BIG. Some real small. There has to be a certain degree of informality in the relationship, where one is allowed to make mistakes.
That's what I learnt from the movie. It's an invaluable lesson.
I also believe, from my own experience now, that if there is still a little love in the heart, you cannot really 'get over' in the real sense...You take the person WITH you, wherever you may go.
And if you HAVE moved on, then the love is over too!

Just when I was thinking about the next thing to write, Arunima tagged me, so here i am continuing her "Me, Me, Me Meme"

I am thinking about...
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
I said...
Insanity when contained inside an artist is called 'Genius'

I want to...
Stop wanting.

I wish...
I could be more self-assured

I hear…
My inner voice...sweeter than any piece of music :-)

I wonder...
Why a 'Singer' also HAS to be a dancer, carrier of X-factor and son of Adonis! Why Why why?? Can't he be just a great singer?

I regret...
Not having tried to understand my father as a person. I have lost that opportunity forever now.

I am...
That. But there's a certain difference between what I know from experience and what my faith tells me but am yet to experience it...

I dance...
When I am extremely happy. That's many times in a week :-))

I sing...
Everyday

I cry...
when I am touched by kindness

I am not always...
Reasonable

I make with my hands...
Deeds and Music.

I write...
Only with my heart

I confuse...
myself with what I want to do and what I should be doing. Always.

I need...
A float

And finally...
Confuzzled
Jes
Rathish
You are Taaaaaaagged!